Start every day with a smile... and get it over with.

A few months before my encounter with the Screaming Child, and once again standing in line, I was startled out of my reverie by a tap on the shoulder. I turned and came nose-to-nose with a maniacally grinning face. I took a step back. The man continued to beam at me.
"Smile!" He boomed. "It might never happen!"

Or, if it has already happened, drop some LSD and look for pink and purple felines...

I hate this - absolutely hate it - and for two reasons...

Reason #1
Informing me that I look miserable or pissed off (in however passive-aggressive or cheery a way) intimates that I am in some way ruining your otherwise rainbow-strewn and sunny day by not 'turning my frown upside down'. It's unlikely that I'm unhappy - I probably just have a vacant or non-committal expression on my face because I am either:

     a) pondering possible solutions for:
         - leaking toilets (duct tape, obviously)
         - rat-infested garages (figure out some kind of rodent rent, because those buggers aren't showing signs of leaving any time soon)
        - vet bills that would rival the national debt (consider prostitution), and
        - perpetual spinsterhood (buy more batteries and watch more daytime television involving shirtless, bronzed men)

Or:

     b) wondering how to prevent:
        - my small dog from chewing the crotch out of all of my underwear (I have no idea how he gets into the laundry hamper - he must be a perverted furry ninja)
        - my pool guy from showing up two days late (grow weed in the back yard)
       - people from being shocked when I wear a skirt (stop trying to be a girl), and
        - the mockingbird from claiming what little of my sanity is left (just go with it - sanity is overrated).

If my pool guy looked like this, he could turn up whenever he wanted... I'd just take the day off work...

I adore it when I see people smiling to themselves - it's infectious and makes me smile - but the average person standing in a line in a store after they just got out of work probably isn't smiling; they just want to get the hell out of there and get home.
So, just because I'm not singing cheerily like Mary Poppins or crapping Care Bears doesn't mean that I'm not happy. It's possible that I am just preoccupied.

Reason #2
I would never presume to tell a stranger to 'smile' or 'cheer up'. Why? Because they are unknown to me - I have no idea what is going on in that person's life. He or she may be looking melancholy for a reason; they may have experienced a death, lost their job, got divorced, or encountered a bill that they didn't budget for. Or they just may be contemplating something utterly mundane. It's absolutely none of my business.

 What do people think when they say this to a complete stranger? That the recipient of their trite comment will think, "Hey, they're right. I mean, I just got laid off, I don't know how to afford the mortgage, and my diet consists of cream cheese on toasted toilet paper rolls, but I should always smile!"

If I see someone looking sad, I will always smile warmly at them, but I won't assume that it is my place to correct their countenance. Shit happens - sometimes it happens to the best of people - but I am not the Smile Police.
I would never tell a family member or friend to smile if they were going through rough times. I'm there to listen, support, and encourage, not to make them paste an expression on their face that they don't feel.

See? So much better!

So what makes a stranger think that he/she can do it to another stranger?
I think I know the reason; we, as humans, want to see each other as being happy (especially when we are feeling happy ourselves), but the fact of the matter is that this is not always possible.

I opened my mouth to tell him to stick his comment where the sun doesn't shine... and then couldn't. His face was so alight with michief and good intent that I couldn't bring myself to do it. I am sure that he had the best of intentions, but I just wasn't in the mood for it. So I attempted a smile just to placate him and got out of there as quickly as my high heels could carry me....

Bloody do-gooders!