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| Poor Dad. He had no idea what his cute little poppet was going to turn into. |
After graduating University with a Bachelor's Degree in Sociology and Publishing (aka Utterly Useless and Will Never Use) and a Certification in Liver Damage, she traveled the world, and moved to the US of A after meeting an American guy in Australia. It turned out that getting married at 24 wasn't the smartest life choice she could have made, and she was happily rid of the shitweasel by the time she was 28.
Finding herself single again, she began navigating the treacherous waters of the online dating pool. After many, many unfortunate encounters, she began dating one of the men she had met online. A month later he dumped her in a text message. Then they got back together... whereupon he dumped her through an email...and her head came off.
Molly had been entertaining her mates with the eye-popping stories of the 'men' that she had been meeting through online dating and, when she was dumped, her good friend Miss. Eds suggested that she write about the experiences to obtain some sort of catharsis... and to give Miss. Eds and the rest of Molly's mates a good laugh at her expense.
And so began 'Life of Cynicism'.
What began as an out-and-out rant about Molly's experiences with the hair-raising individuals that she was meeting online turned into an out-and-out rant about the hair-raising shit that happens to her on an almost daily basis. Widely acknowledged as 'The Fate Fairy's Official Bitch', Molly likes to spend her time writing, falling over, and making inappropriate comments to complete strangers.
Molly lives in San Diego with
Boscoe might actually be the doggy version of the Anti-Christ. When he's not trying to eat the pool man, he entertains himself by pissing on the curtains, eating the few live plants remaining to Molly, and throwing dog toys in the pool to irritate the aforementioned pool man.
Darcy is older than dirt. She was used as a breeding machine before Molly adopted her at age 11, and now she spends her days sleeping, wiping her14 year old ass on the concrete, eating whatever she can get her paws on, and emitting noxious gases.
UPDATE: My sweet Darcy passed away 2/2/11. She will be missed forever...
Mac is part chihuahua, part rat terrier, and part bat. He was neglected by his previous owners, and now likes to make Molly feel guilty and feed him more by shivering and making his eyes water up. He is the weirdest dog most people have ever met.
Mordecai is the gentleman of the house... or would be if he could stop eating Molly's underwear and nose-vacuuming the crotches of her guests. Mordecai likes to drape himself around people's necks when they sit on the couch. He is the reason Molly has a chiropractor.
Every group has a dipshit, and Viola is Molly's. Viola can't figure out how to get down off a chair, and will spend ages licking the fence. She moves like Jim Henson put her together while drunk, but is possessed of an unusually sweet disposition, so it's ok.
Molly freely admits to being batshit nuts for having five dogs, but claims that it's better than being The Crazy Cat Lady. The jury is out on that one.
When Molly isn't bandaging the pool man or rescuing Viola from a garden chair, she likes to spend her time:
- Talking to her Dad on the phone (Al-together now, "Awwwwww!"),
- Emailing, hanging, talking, and generally bollocking with her Two Peas (you know who you bitches are),
- Spending time with her incredibly tolerant friends (who respect the fact that she marches to her own xylophoner, rather than eye her warily and remove anything breakable from her vicinity),
- Cruising the internet dating sites in the vain hope of finding someone who has all of his own teeth and can spell xylophone, and
- Unashamedly watching shitty shows with no redeeming content on Netflix (*cough, Xena*)
Molly
If you have any questions (or writing or acrobatic opportunities), Molly can always be reached at mollymalone@lifeofcynicism.com.
Thanks for stopping by! Next time, bring bagels.
